My Conversion Story

I spent over 3 months filling out my mission papers. There multiple bumps in the road, times where I felt defeated, and even a moment where I seriously considered giving up, but I didn’t. Last night was evidence to me that everything I had done was completely worth it. Last night I opened up my mission call! I have been called to serve as a missionary in the New York Utica mission, and I couldn’t be happier. I’ll leave for the MTC on May 29^th and soon after that I’ll be off to New York to spread the Lord’s gospel for 2 years.

As I think about spending the next two years of my life sharing the Lord’s gospel with the people of New York and converting them, I think about my own conversion. Now I know what many of you are thinking. You were born and raised in this church. What do you mean by your own conversion? Let me explain. I always believed in this gospel and in this church, but I cannot say that I always lived this gospel and its teachings. Yes, I showed up to seminary and participated like a good student; I went to mutual every Tuesday night and participated in the activities; and I went to church every Sunday and fulfilled my priesthood callings. Despite all of this though, I felt like I was just “going through the motions.” I never fully understood why I felt this way back then, but I look back on it now and understand what was happening. I was doing everything the Lord asked me to do, but that was only part of it. I needed to put my trust in the Lord and allow his gospel and the things I was being taught to change me and to change my life.

My lack of trust in the Lord was never more evident than in my decision to serve a mission. From the time I was a freshmen in seminary, I was constantly asked the question I dreaded so much. “Are you going on a mission?” I knew the choice was mine to make, but the pressure just felt so overwhelming. That’s why I always just “went through the motions” answered with something like “Yes” or “Of course” even though in my heart the answer was always “No.” The one thing I can find comfort in is that I never gave up on God despite the way I felt about a mission, and I owe this to a very close friend of mine. From the time she found out I didn’t want to go on a mission to today, she never gave up on me even on the days I had given up on myself. She told me to put my faith in God, to tell him all about my fears about a mission, and to pray to him for help and guidance. She guaranteed me that if I would do all of this with a sincere heart that the Lord would show me the way I needed to go.

I can’t explain why, but I believed her. I did what she said, and I turned myself over to the Lord. I prayed day in and day out for almost four years. Throughout those years, I never got an answer, but I never gave up either. Something inside me told me to keep praying and eventually God would answer, so I kept praying. It took me quite a long time, but I realized why the Lord wasn’t telling me anything. You see, the whole entire time I had been praying to God about my mission, I had been praying with the intent that I would get the answer I wanted not that I would get that answer God had in mind. I realized I needed to humble myself before the Lord if I ever wanted to receive an answer to my prayers, so I did. I changed my attitude, and I changed my prayers. I was no longer praying for God to give me the answer I wanted, but I was praying for God to give me the answer he needed me to hear. Although the answer to my prayers didn’t come immediately, the Lord did answer my prayers, and I know the answer to my prayers came about because of the changes I had made to my search for answers to my prayers.

When God answered my prayers about a mission, the answer was so definite and resounding that there was no way I could ignore Him any longer. Despite all my fears and worries, God showed me that not only was a mission something I was capable of doing, but that a mission was something he needed me to do. I’ll admit that this was a hard concept for me to grasp at first. I was just another young man from a small town in Idaho. I tried to talk my way out of things by asking myself questions like “What difference would it make if one young man didn’t go on a mission?” or “It’s just too hard. If God really needed you, don’t you think he’d make the pathway easier?” Little did I know, God had an answer to these questions as well as an answer to my prayers.

 I had a lot of work to do in order to go on a mission, but God was there for me. He showed me that even if I was just another young man from a small town in Idaho that he needed me. He showed me that even though the pathway looked rough, he was going to be there with me every step of the way. I’ll be honest with you. My life was quite a mess up until this point because I hadn’t been living like a future missionary, but I couldn’t let that stop me from cleaning it up and starting to live the right way. Throughout the whole process of cleaning things up, God was there for me. The pathway was rough, but he was there to help me out when things got hard. I can even say that I felt him carry me at times when I just felt like giving up.

I can’t repay him enough for what he has done for me. Throughout this entire process, I have felt my burdens become lighter, and I have felt the chains of temptation being lifted off of me. I was in the dark, but he showed me the way. He led me out of temptation and brought me back to the light. I can see now what I was missing in my life all along. I can see the difference between the young man I was and the young man I am now. I am who I am today because I trusted in the Lord, and I allowed his gospel and his teachings to change my life. I trusted in the Lord, and I’m happier than I have ever been. To steal a few words from one of my favorite speakers ever, Al Fox – “This… this is happiness. This is real happiness.”

I know a mission isn’t going to be easy. I know it’s going to try me physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and so much more, but I also know that the Lord has prepared me for this. He needs me in New York. He needs me to help him bring the same real happiness he brought to my life to the people of New York. I may be nervous about leaving everything I know for two years to go to New York, but I trust in the Lord. I know he will always be with me as long as I trust in him. The Lord took my MESS and turned into a MESSAGE. Now, it’s my job to go spread it. New York here I come!